Whoa. Here we go again! I've been secretly stashing away blog posts so that I could chronicle this pregnancy for myself and anyone else that's interested.
July 21, 2014
When I saw two pink lines again yesterday (July 20th), I felt peace and resolve. It was such a different feeling this time around and I'm so thankful for it. I knew I was pregnant. That little voice in my head had been telling me for days. Then I began to feel the same crampy sensation I felt when I was pregnant with Owen. When the cramping lasted for two days without anything to show for it, I took it as confirmation. I told myself I would wait until I was actually "late". I also figured it would be good to wait until Patrick got home from Belize...
I couldn't wait.
When I woke up around 2:30pm (night shift, remember?) Sunday afternoon, I decided to take the test. I wouldn't officially be late for two more days, but due to the cramping, I was certain implantation had happened a few days before. It had been long enough. There would be plenty of hormone in my body by this point.
After capping the test, I sat and watched- almost without breathing. There was nothing... I started to doubt myself just a little. Then a smile stretched across my face. There was a faint line starting to form. ANY line, even if faint, means POSITIVE! I knew it. I placed the test on the windowsill (as is my normal practice at this point) and washed my hands. I returned to see that the line had darkened. As I walked back to bed I said out loud, "Alright little baby, I know for sure that you're in there now. Grow strong for mommy." I went and laid down on the bed and snapped a picture with my phone.
After a couple minutes, the line was even darker.
I feel so blessed that this happened when it did. I knew when I was given the "all clear" at the end of June that it was very unlikely I would get pregnant this month. Because Patrick and I would love to avoid summer babies, we were on a tight window of two months before we would halt "trying". It didn't look like it would happen. Patrick has been out of town on youth trips so there hasn't been much time for baby making. Obviously, God had it planned to work out anyway.
I'm happy. I can't wait to share the news with Patrick when he gets home tonight. I already feel good about this baby. Something is telling me that he or she is going to be just fine. For now, I have the test sitting in the bathroom drawer. I'm not sure how I'll tell Patrick this time. Maybe I'll just let him stumble upon the test himself. We'll see.
July 22, 2015
I shared the news with Patrick last night. Patrick wanted to put Owen to bed. Who could blame him? He's missed his baby boy this summer. I was in the living room when it hit me. Am I crazy? Why in the world did I leave the test in the bathroom drawer where he might just stumble upon it!? That had to have been the worst idea ever! I jumped up and practically ran down the hall to grab it. I knew that I had to see his face when he got the news. I slid the test into my pants pocket and returned to the couch. Yeah, I pretty much had no plan at this point.
Patrick returned to the living room after what felt like forever. He sat down and began pouring his heart and his stories out over the mission trip to Belize. Patrick can tell some long stories. Those of you that know him will understand my pain at that point in time. I listened as best I could. Really, I did. The test kept slipping out of my pocket though and I'd shove it back in. I was a little distracted. After a while Patrick moved over close to me to show me pictures on his phone. We finished that and I decided to just reach into my pocket and hand it over.
Patrick looked down, smiled and laughed.
He then said, "I'm not surprised."
"Because we're good at making babies."
I laughed because I guess he's right. While it was two months of "not preventing" before we got pregnant with Owen, we got pregnant the second time after just ONE mishap/failure on our part. This time I was cleared by my doctor and we must have gotten pregnant a couple days later. So we're fertile. I'm incredibly thankful for it too.
I can't really remember where the conversation went from there. There was hugging, smiling, and praying. We're thankful to be given this blessing again so soon and we're trusting God. I told Patrick that I'm really not as worried as I thought I might be. For some reason, probably God, I feel a peace about this child. It's completely different from last time when I had an uneasy feeling right away.
If you are reading this and have experienced miscarriage, molar pregnancy, infertility, or any kind of loss, please know that I can relate to the slight twinge of pain that a post like this can cause and I'm so so sorry. You, of course, know that this post isn't meant to cause pain, but I get it. Also, it's okay. My heart goes out to you and unfortunately, I can relate. Know that if I could reach through my computer screen and give you a hug right now that I would- whoever you are.