Monday, March 17, 2014

The Questions and The Numbers

My hcg level has been steadily declining. Last Friday my level came back as 5.83. They consider anything less than 5 to be a negative pregnancy test. It was a little frustrating to be so close. However, most likely I will just need one more blood draw later this week and then I'll be cleared to do monthly checks for 5 months following the negative test. Hopefully, I'll be finished with this whole process by the end of August!

I'm feeling so much better. My energy level has returned, my emotions seemed to have stabilized for the most part, and I'm having fun making plans for the year. Some people have wondered if this means we will "try" in August. Probably not. Of course, these things aren't completely in our control (since our last pregnancy wasn't planned). However, if we can help it, we won't be trying this fall. I'm hoping people won't ask me too many questions. It can be difficult to find the right answer.

I can't tell you the number of people who have asked, "So when is baby number two coming?" or "I think it's time for another!" Some people are even more direct and just come out and ask, "So, are you pregnant?" It's funny to me how these questions didn't start popping up again until Owen turned one. It's like people are willing to give you that first year, but then you better get on it. I also realize that they are asking what they think is an innocent question. I don't think any of them are trying to be hurtful.

It was difficult to answer questions about pregnancy when I knew that I was in fact pregnant with our second, but also completely aware that something was wrong. Did people really want to hear me say, "Actually, I'm pregnant with number two but it's most likely dead." Or now when people ask... "Actually, we had number two a couple weeks ago. It died." Obviously, this isn't what people want to hear and I'm pretty sure it would be the most awkward and rude response I could come up with for people.

Instead, I'm trying to be gracious. I'm telling people the truth on my own time. I'm hoping that people will educate themselves a little more about asking these types of questions. They have the potential to be hurtful. The truth is that we may or may not get pregnant (with number 3) when we feel like we are ready and more importantly if God desires for it to happen. When and if it does happen, we will tell people on our own time.


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