Sunday, June 10, 2012

Pregnancy Journal: Doctor Visit!

Saturday, April 28th

We got to see our wee one on Thursday before we left to visit my family! The best part was seeing the heartbeat. It was crazy to see the flickering and then we got to hear it. It was really hard for me to suppress a giggle during the whole thing. The whole visit was very surreal for me. Plus, I was exhausted from the three shifts I'd just finished. I'll go into that more in a second but for now take a look at our picture.

First ultrasound at 6weeks 6days

By my LMP I was 7 weeks and 6 days at this point, but I figured that would change a little especially because my cycles are usually 32 days. By my own (very scientific) calculations I was thinking that a more accurate due date for me would be December 11th. However, I was a little surprised that they backed me up even further to December 14th. It really doesn't matter much to me though. Babies don't come on their due dates anyway. That's why they call it an "EDD" which stands for estimated due date. However, due to the changed EDD, I'm going to delay writing my next weekly update so that I'll be on schedule with the new dates. I just don't feel like writing another "7 week" update.

Anyway, like I said, the visit felt unreal to me. When the ultrasound tech came to get us she asked, "So, you're pregnant?" For about a split second I was about to say "no" and then it hit me all over again- I'm pregnant... I think. Then she took us to a room, I laid down on the table, she put some gel on my lower abdomen, and then before I knew it I was staring at what you see in the photo. There really is something in there! My first thought was that it was definitely smaller and less gummy-bear-like than I thought it should be for my gestation, which it was. Then I thought... heartbeat? Where's the heartbeat? and then I saw the flickering. That calmed me a lot. The ultrasound didn't really take much longer, she measured, made sure there was just one (thank you, Lord), and printed us some pictures to take with us.

From there we went to meet with my doctor's nurse and then my doctor. We went over my health history which is pretty uneventful with no conditions, surgeries, or prior hospitalizations. Then we talked. I still couldn't believe I was sitting there trying to have a discussion about a safe pregnancy diet, expectant parent classes, labor, and pediatricians. I could hardly focus. Really? Do I need to think about this stuff right now? Looking back, I can now identify that I was overwhelmed.

On the way to Dalton, I was so exhausted but my mind was racing. Patrick was trying to make small talk. I could hardly focus though. Do I want an epidural? Am I really asking myself that question? Do I want natural labor? What if I don't get a choice? I should probably be ready just in case I run into an issue like low platelets. Do I really need that first trimester ultrasound screening? How am I going to get someone to swap shifts with me so I can have it when they want me to? Did I make the right decision about the CF testing? When did they say I'd get Rhogam? Maybe they didn't say... Have I already gained too much weight? Then I remembered my blood pressure. It was up higher than it's ever been... 138/85. Then I began to cry. Not an ugly sobbing cry. Just my I'm-overwhelmed-with-too-many-emotions cry.

I'm sure I can attribute 90% of my tears to my fatigue. As Patrick and I began to talk though, he began to realize how little I have thought about things. I've never been one of those people to plan ahead for life's major events like this. For example, I never thought about how I'd want my wedding to go until I was engaged. I've never thought about what I would want to name a child. I've watched women give birth unmedicated and medicated and never thought much about what I'd really do in that situation. I've always figured that I'd cross that bridge when I got to it. Well, the bridge is now in sight! I looked at Patrick through my watery eyes and said, "Maybe I've saved up too much to think about." He laughed. Then I laughed as I realized that we really do have time. These decisions do not need to be made right now.

Later that night as we talked in bed, I pulled out the ultrasound pictures and finally got excited. Patrick said, "There's the smile I've been waiting for all day." We really are starting our family, there really is a baby growing inside of me with its own heartbeat, and I really need to relax and enjoy this whole process.

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